How to Be a Better Christian Husband – 4 Key Rules to a Vibrant Marriage

If we are honest with ourselves, we all want to have a vibrant marriage, no one goes into their marriage saying I hope my marriage is dry and Christian Husbandmediocre. When we made the choice to get married, we went into it with the expectation that we would be happy, that our wife would be happy, and that we would have a successful marriage filled with joy, peace, and hope.

So what happens to a lot of marriages after a few years? We start to get “comfortable” and we begin to believe that we don’t have to pay attention to our wife and her needs, we lose sight of “us” and start focusing on me, myself, and I. As men we start focusing on our career, aspirations, obtaining material things, and spending time on our hobbies. It’s not that these things are “bad”…but it’s a matter of getting off balance. Once we get off balance, we become distracted and start to lose clarity and focus. In a very subtle way our marriage begins to descend.

Thankfully as Christians, we can turn to our faith for guidance and direction, we don’t have to lose hope. Throughout my 28 years of marriage I’ve learned that Christian principles are filled with great wisdom that can provide the answers we need to not only achieve a highly successful marriage but to consistently sustain it’s vibrancy for the long run. But here is where most men fall short; we lack the discipline to practice the principles.

As Christians, we must never lose hope…hope is at the core of our faith. If you are searching for ways to be a better Christian husband then keep on reading. I will explain 4 Key Rules that will help you in your quest for a great marriage. I can tell you that If you make a commitment to yourself and take massive action in practicing these 4 Key Rules, you will produce much fruit and build a vibrant marriage.

The 4 Key Rules to a vibrant marriage are:Christian Husband

  1. Gain Knowledge and Understanding
  2. Attention and Nourishment
  3. Get Clarity and Focus
  4. Create a Prolific Environment

I will use a Christian parable to illustrate my point. “A sower went out to sow, and as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and it withered for lack of roots. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it. But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirty fold”.

Gain Knowledge and Understanding

Problem: “A sower went out to sow, and as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and birds came and ate it up”.

Like anything in life, when we don’t have the correct knowledge and understanding we either fail to take the necessary steps that will enable us to get the outcomes we desire or we make decisions that lead to unintended consequences…in either case, whether we act or don’t act we end up losing. It is the lack of knowledge and awareness that blinds us and leads us to make choices that contribute to the descent of our marriage.

Solution: If we are really serious about becoming a better husband and growing in our marriage, we must acknowledge that it starts with our mind…the mind is the Command Center. The good thing is that we have control of how much knowledge we want to obtain, we simply have to make a choice to pursue it.

Reading books

In today’s digital world we have an abundance of information and resources at a click of a mouse to gain knowledge and understanding of what it means to be a Christian husband. Decide today and make a commitment to expand your mind by learning through books, videos, DVDs, and audio on how to become a better husband. Once you have the knowledge and understanding in your mind…it’s a matter of moving it to your heart and putting it into action to transform your life!

Attention and Nourishment – Make it a Priority

Problem: “Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and it withered for lack of roots”.

Sometimes it’s not a matter of not being aware or having the knowledge…it’s that we stop paying attention to our wife’s needs and fail to nourish our marriage on a consistent basis. We forget that our wife didn’t fall in love with us because of one thing that we did or say…it was an accumulation of consistent small acts of love, kindness, selflessness, compassion, patience, etc..that ultimately won her heart. When we fail to do this we simply lack the substance to withstand the trials and tribulations.

Solution: If we want to win our wife’s heart we must make it a priority to consistently work on making those authentic love deposits. It’s critical that we make our relationship a priority and that we give it the attention it deserves. As Christian husbands we are reminded through scripture that we are called to love our wife as our own body, to nourish and cherish. Like our body, if we stop paying attention to it, not providing food, water, and the proper nutrients it will slowly decline in health and eventually die…the same is true when it comes to our marriage.

Be intentional about nourishing your relationship and look for creative Coupleways and opportunities to demonstrate your love and appreciation for your wife…schedule activities that she enjoys doing as a couple, help out with the children (this is a BIG one), help out with the chores, buy her a gift when she least expects it, go for a walk, spend TIME with her, buy tickets to an event, etc..Ask yourself…if tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her?

Get Clarity and Focus

Problem: “Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it”.

There is no doubt we all have busy lives these days, there is so much in the world that can distract us from the things that matter most. The noise of the world can cause us to lose clarity and focus. The “noise” can manifest itself in many forms such as our quest for advancing in our careers, comparing ourselves with others in terms of material things or lifestyle, spending excessive hours in front of a TV watching our favorite sports teams, living a “married-single” social lifestyle, etc.. If we are not careful to maintain a “balanced” lifestyle we can become vulnerable and be easily lured to give too much time to the things that will not provide oxygen to our marriage.

Solution: When we get distracted and lose clarity of who we are as Christian husbands, we must hit the pause button and take time to contemplate and take inventory of our lives. Be honest with ourselves and identify areas that need “tweaking” or complete elimination to bring forth vibrancy into our marriage. Take time to think about; what would your Couplebest-version of your marriage look like and how you can grow into that. Ask yourself how do you want to show up in your relationship, how do you want to feel in your marriage…envision your ideal future and then start actively taking the steps you need to take in order to achieve the state you are seeking. This practice will help you gain clarity, maintain focus, and generate enthusiasm!

Create a Prolific Environment

Solution: “But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirty fold”.

Creating the right environment is imperative to having a vibrant marriage. When you put all the pieces together…invest time in learning to gain knowledge and understanding of what it means to be a Christian husband, making it a priority to being authentic and intentional about paying attention to your wife’s needs and nourishing your relationship, getting clear about what kind of marriage you want, and staying focused on taking action that will help you achieve the best-version of your marriage, and you do it consistently, you will create a winning environment where your marriage will not just survive but thrive. You have complete control of creating a prolific environment…the question is, are you willing to put the time, work, and effort it requires. If you are, then remain confident that your marriage will produce fruit…a hundred, sixty, or thirty fold!!

The End Game – Set Higher Standards for Your Marriage

We set high standards for our career, education, sports, finances, etc..but when it comes to our marriage we allow ourselves to get comfortable and settle for average. Let’s face it, there is nothing exciting and exhilarating about “average”, it doesn’t move the needle. So let’s not settle for mediocrity when it comes to our marriage, let’s get fully engaged, commit to practicing the 4 Key Rules of a vibrant marriage and set high standards of excellence!

21 thoughts on “How to Be a Better Christian Husband – 4 Key Rules to a Vibrant Marriage”

  1. What a wonderful post and very insightful

    Loving your partner in the right way is challenging for many people especially with life’s pressure and reading this article has given me a real understanding of some valuable things I can implement in my relationship so thank you and I hope many people visit this site- Thank you

    Reply
    • Hi Vicki – Thank you for your comments! You are right, loving your spouse can be very challenging at times but not impossible, with commitment and perseverance we can overcome our obstacles including loving someone who is not easy to love at times. True authentic love requires sacrifice but the rewards are worth it! I’m glad you gained some new insight from reading the post, may it add value to your life and relationship. Best wishes!

      Reply
  2. I absolutely love this insightful article because it is full of great information. This is fascinating and interesting to me.christianity is not just a religion but a way of life. This article has gave me some knowledge about building a successful marriage. 

    The four keys to build a vibrant marriage are well explained. If taken to practice, the home will always be filled with joy and peace,marriage isn’t taught in school but we must set high standards for our marriage. Thanks for the insight. Best regards 

    Reply
    • Hey Adamu2! Glad you found the post insightful and informative. I believe that the principles of Christianity can apply to all humankind, not just Christians…when put to practice they are very powerful and can really change your life…I know because it happen to me. To restore the unity of the family and build strong marriages we MUST set very high standards! Thanks for your comments!

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  3. As you say there are to many distractions and temptation in this materialistic world we live in. I am also married for 17 years now and it did not go without problems, but the most important thing is a give and take relationship. And I do not care who you are if you do not have God to steer you in life you will become lost.
    I was and am always committed to my wife and family. This it is the only thing in life that is still sacred to me. Friends come and go but nothing beats the love of family.

    God bless

    Reply
    • Thanks Sharriv. Congrats on your 17 years of marriage! Marriage is a give and receive dance, it requires a willingness to compromise and to work as a team. Happy to hear you are committed to your relationship and are willing to work through the challenges to maintain a strong marriage and family! Thanks for sharing your perspective.

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  4. Hi Jeff, reading through your article, I couldn’t help but agree with you that most marriages that have problems today is as a result of negligence. In some marriages, once familiarity sets in, the couples might begin to take each other for granted, if communication lacks in such relationship, it gets even more messier.

    I love the four rules you listed for a vibrant marriage, especially attention and nourishment. It is no longer news that women love attention, once they are neglected problems sets in. I must also say that women has their own problems, but as Christians, we know that hope and faith is very important and we have Christian principles that can help us achieve success in marriage.

    Staying married for 28 years and still counting is a great achievement especially now that divorce is on the high side.  I must say that you are doing  great.

    Reply
    • Hi Gracen – Happy to see you enjoyed the post. You are absolutely correct about taking each other for granted once we start getting “comfortable”. This is a big “red flag” and couples should be mindful of this to start having honest conversations about it and not wait until its too late. When we start noticing this we can always start thinking of ways to shift the momentum and get back on track. I think a big problem is that many couples stop doing the things that they fell in love with at the beginning of the relationship. But as you said, as Christians we must always remain hopeful and put our faith into practice daily. Thank you for your comments, appreciate the feedback!

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  5. Great post Jeff:
    In today’s world of instant gratification and quest for entertainment many people don’t take the time to nurture their relationships and the marriage vows mean very little when things don’t go their way. Unless you have a God centered marriage with Christ as the head of your union you are setting yourself up for failure.
    Jesus gave us the perfect example by loving us unconditionally with no condemnation and expects the same from us as well.
    If we follow His example and apply His message to our marriage then we will go a long way in having a long and successful marriage.

    Reply
    • Absolutely Tony! It’s so important to have that solid foundation with Christ. I think of the scripture that refers to the two foundations that we build on…one of sand and one of rock, the one built on rock will be able to withstand the trials and tribulations when they come…as you said, your chances of failing are high if you don’t build your marriage on rock! Appreciate your comments.

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  6. Some very good advice on how to be a better Christian husband, the 4 suggestions or rules that you mention and expand on will no doubt help. I have looked through each carefully, and there are many good tips and gems you have include that will most certainly make a difference.

    The biggest issue these days is that there are so many distractions and temptations that are to be found in the world we are living in I think. Couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations that are further fed with the things they see around them, and rather than work on their relationship, they abandon it and move on to the next one that is likely to fail.

    I have been married now for 42 years, and we have had our ups and downs over those many years. But the common thread is that we agreed to stay together through better and worse, and both of us have stuck to that vow. It has not always been easy, nor have we had only bad times. It has been a mix of both, and yet that is what has made it so special.

    The four areas you mention (Gain Knowledge/Understanding, Attention/Nourishment, Get Clarity/Focus, and Create a Prolific Environment) are all important and need to be put in practice. It can be easy to let one or more slip with all the day to day activities, taking care of kids, the jobs, etc. but one of the most telling things you have in your life is your spouse.

    It is well worth it to invest in that relationship much as you invest in your education, your profession, and your children. Only then can you truly be there as a husband and likewise the wife for the husband. An old saying we used to hear all the time is “It takes two to Tango!” and that is a true statement!

    Reply
    • Hi Dave! Congrats on your 42 years of marriage!! That is something you and your wife should be very proud of, a great example of not giving up when faced with challenges, so thank you for an excellent example. You are correct to say that the world offers many distractions and temptations that take our focus off the things that  matter most. As you and your wife have proven, marriage is not a sprint…it’s a marathon so you need endurance to help sustain it for the long run, but it’s not impossible!! It can be done!! Thanks for your feedback and perspective.

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  7. Wow wow wow… Such a beautiful way to connect marriage and the parable of the sower. 

    I might be single, but I know that, for any marriage to work, it’s needs work, deliberate work. Many couples just want to go with the flow and see how it goes. They don’t make deliberate arrangements to make sure that things keep going smoothly. 

    And you don’t just make arrangements without knowing how to do so. That’s where the Bible and other Bible based books come in. 

    We shouldn’t think we know it all. We should learn to learn and also learn to practice what we learn, that’s if we must get results. 

    Reply
    • Hi! Thanks for the feedback! Glad that you enjoyed the read. Yes, we certainly have to be “intentional” and willing to work hard to have a successful relationship. I am a true believer in the law of the harvest…we reap what we sow!! Thanks for sharing your perspective. Best wishes!

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  8. I really enjoyed reading about the four rules in your post Jeff. Most writers write about the women’s part to the marriage. I have never related the parable of the sower and the seed to building a marriage. This is excellently done. I like how the seed that fell on the path represents the man’s mind. If the mind is being renewed with knowledge, the birds are not picking the seeds. 

    Reply
    • Thanks Juliet! I’m happy that you enjoyed reading the post. This is one of my favorite scripture parables, it’s so powerful and offers a lot to unpack. When contemplated, it helps bring clarity. Thank you for your feedback!

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  9. Hi Jeff,

    Thank you for the enlightening and motivational article. As a newly wed, I am very glad to have found this post at the perfect time. Things are starting to get busier and busier and we are spending less time together. Such is life I suppose. It’s definitely a delicate balance and one I can easily get frustrated with. Just seems like there’s never enough time to do it all. I think that these rules will be a huge help to any married couple. I can certainly see how they could be a help for me. I am definitely going to bookmark this to refer back to as I tend to forget easily LOL. I am going to share this with a few of my recently married friends as well. Thanks again!

    Reply
    • Hey Dan! Thanks for your uplifting and inspiring comments! It motivates me to keep writing more posts like this. I’m happy to hear that you really enjoyed reading it and that it came at a great time for you personally. I know exactly what you mean by racing the clock all the time, at times I too feel frustrated that I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do and be with the people that are important to me. One thing that I recently started to do is to be “fully present” (100%) in whatever I am doing…so when I am with my wife, I am with her completely not thinking about my work or business. I am aiming for “quality” time even if it’s just for 30 minutes and when I do that I feel a lot better. Appreciate your feedback!

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  10. Wow, this is a great post Jeff. Thanks so much for sharing!

    I really value Christian marriages that are so fruitful in Christ which is why I value the topics you discussed in this post. All that you have mentioned will definitely be helpful for me in my future marriage, if that’s what God is calling me towards.

    I very much like the part where you said that I must love my wife as I love my body. I got to take care of her and nourish her each day or else my wife / marriage will become stagnant and fade away.

    Thank you very much for sharing this Jeff! I am saving this article for future reference!

    Mark

    Reply
    • Hi Mark – Happy to hear you enjoyed the post! Even though you are not currently married, I’m glad that you see the value of marriage and what a beautiful sacrament it can be if you give it the attention and nourishment it deserves. Please feel free to share the post with your married friends and family. Thanks for your feedback! Best wishes.

      Reply

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